Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
