Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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