so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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