you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
