Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
