Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
