Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
