i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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