drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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