dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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