She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
