I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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