Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
