Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
