ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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