it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
