I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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