If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Where is the hickey?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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