You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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