it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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