I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
