I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
