Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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