Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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