I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
