i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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