I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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