The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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