Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
