I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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