i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
