His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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