I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
