Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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