That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
