The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
