So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You're like the curious george of whores
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
