my room smells like sperm. sweet.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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