I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
