dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
