So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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