38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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