I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We had sex on a dog bed..
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
