just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
