on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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