my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
