do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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