so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
