just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
