i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
