Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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