11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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