it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
