We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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