I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
