Buhtt sex?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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