Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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