nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
