accomplished twins. life is a go
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
