i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
