Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i barfeds in our rink
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
