I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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