sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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